4 Reasons I Won't Lie To My Kids About Santa

Edit: I am not a parent and do not intend this to be telling any parent they are doing it wrong. This is intended as a slightly tongue in cheek look at Santa by combining my experience working with kids for 3 years and 4 years with college students. These are the reasons for what my approach to my kids will be, as far as it applies to your current or future kids, take it for what it is. I'm also not trying to get rid of fun, just give a little context. Read through to the end and you'll see. Merry Christmas :)

Kids will believe anything.  I worked at Boys & Girls Club for close to three years, mostly with 6-7 year olds, and sometimes the staff just couldn't resist the humor from a little white lie.  For example, one time a hilarious 6 year old we all loved, we'll call him Randy, asked a staff member what they were doing that day.  The staff answered, "We're going on a field trip."  "We're going to the future!?" Randy replied.  The temptation was too great.  "Yeah Randy! We're going to the future!"  He was so excited. On the field trip, they even saw an older kid that kind of looked like him and the staff told him that was future Randy, but that he can't talk to him or it would cause the universe to collapse.  But eventually the fun was over and the staff fessed up.  We all had a good laugh.

I think it was this kind of belief that Jesus was talking about when he called us to have "faith like a child."  But too often, kids are told mythologies and legends as true that they put this kind of faith in, only to be disappointed as they get older.  I believe this sets unhealthy precedents and associations in the young mind of a child that ends up hurting their ability to have "faith like a child" later on in life.  As it is the Christmas season, I thought we would address the great fat man, Santa himself.

1) The Santa Myth hurts a child's instinct to trust.

Kids don't believe anything just because they're stupid kids and don't know any better.  Kids know how crazy it is that we could go to the future or that a man in a red jump suit could travel around the world in one night.  They're never seen it before and it doesn't really make sense.  But they trust in the person telling them so much that they would believe even something so ridiculous.  That is why kids are struck with such awe seeing Santa in the mall or watching Santa movies.  It seems so impossible, but it must be true because their parents told them so.  That's also why they will defend Santa against naysayers.  They trust their parents and will fight to defend what they are told is true from their trustworthy authority.

This is the kind of faith we are called to in our relationship with God.  It's not a call to blind faith, to be stupid and unthinking.  But when we are struck with the unbelievable or naysayers, we trust in God.  God is bigger than us, smarter, eternal, he is infinitely wise and infinitely loving.  He loves us.  So when our creator and Daddy says something is true, it must be.  Because we can trust him.

But how messed up is that we abuse this trust my misdirecting it at something we all know is false?  Your kid loves you so much and trusts you so much they would believe something so crazy, and you respond by lying to them?  I think this sets a dangerous precedent for your child not only to be skeptical of their relationship and ability to trust one's parents, but also their ability to trust other authority, especially God.  I know so many Christians that really love Jesus but struggle with doubt and insecurity because they struggle to really trust that He is there, that He loves them, and its going to be okay.

2) The Santa Myth hurts a child's instinct to ask questions.

Kids are constantly asking questions about things they don't understand.  We all know the cliche of the kid that is incessantly asking, "Why?"  Cliches exist for a reason.  And we see this played out in the Santa mythology.  Think about the details of the Santa myth.  It went from a guy that delivers presents to "A jolly fat man with cherry cheeks in a red suit that lives in the North pole where elves make all his toys in Santa's workshop and he gets around with flying reindeer and there is a Ms. Clause and he loves milk and cookies..." and on and on.  We have all those details because kids kept asking questions! Where does he live? How does he make the toys? How does he get around? Does he have a wife?.. and on and on.

Our relationship with God is meant to be similar.  Even though we would trust anything our loving Daddy tells us, we should hunger for answers and details.  We should constantly ask, "Why?"  We see this played out in so many thousands of years of theology and philosophy.  I find it astounding that anytime I start to think about and research some deep theological question, I find that someone else has written extensively about it and found answers 1500 years ago.  Although God ultimately responded with a call to trust, He commended Job for asking questions and demanding answers.  Our hunger to know God should drive us to ask these questions and find answers so that we have reasons to believe what we put our faith in and know is true.

So when a child discovers that this Santa myth, so complicated and detailed, with answers to every possible question (that a child thinks of), can all be false, it creates in them a skepticism and apathy toward seeking truth.  If I ask a million questions, and find all the answers, and they can all just be lies, then why bother? You can almost see the seeds of post-modernism so prevalent in today's youth, that there is no Truth and its all just a matter of who is in power.  In the case of Santa, your parents are the hegemonic capitalist elite. Or perhaps, if you ask enough questions and find out something you love so dearly is a lie, you won't want to ask questions anymore.  Too many Christians are afraid to seek the answers to tough questions because they are afraid the answers will point away from God and they'll find out that the God they loved was a lie.  

3) A child associates the Santa Myth with God and Jesus

You never see him, he's supernatural, can do things beyond belief, gives you awesome treasures, and you just have to believe in him no matter what people say.  Now, am I talking about Jesus or Santa? Could be either one, right?  In a child's mind they associate supernatural beings like Santa and the Easter Bunny with God and Jesus.  Heck, they share the same Holidays so kids practically hear them both in the same breath. God and Santa are both magic old white guys with white beards, they're like the same person.  And Jesus just gives you life after death, Santa gives you kick ass toys and candy.  Who do you think a child will love more?

Then, years later, the child finds out Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and all of these other supernatural figures aren't real, but that God still is?  Why should one story be true and not another?  What's the difference?  How does one know their parents aren't still lying?  How many parents are actually lying when they tell them about God, knowing they don't really believe, but giving their children a nice story to keep them acting good and explain where Grandma went when she died?  We've essentially created an American pantheon of gods, telling our kids they're all real then expecting our kids to change and believe that Apollos and Hercules aren't actually real, but that Zeus is.  I have met far too many atheists who mockingly exclaim, "Of course I don't believe in God, I don't believe in Santa, do I?"  At an early age they associated the two in their mind, so when they find out one is a lie, doubt is cast on the credulity of the other, often resulting in complete disbelief.

4) Children learn to associate supernatural favor with good behavior

What is the first thing that Santa asks a kid when they sit on his lap?  "Have you been a good little boy/girl this year?"  And with the rare exception, every kid continues to lie through their teeth.  Kids are monsters.  The kid probably threw a fit because he didn't get a Cinnabon on the way through the mall.  But that's not how kids see it.  They convince themselves they're really not that bad and they're mostly good. So kids don't really deserve all of those presents.  They deserve coal (I would like to meet the just parent who actually gave their trouble making child what they deserve).  But their parents show them grace by giving them presents anyway, and the child's "goodness" is justified in their own mind in the eyes of the supernatural benefactor.

Think about it in relation to God.  How many people that, if you asked them if they were going to heaven, they would respond with, "Yeah I'm a good person."  They figure that, as long as in the end their good deeds outweigh their bad ones, God will reward their deeds with heaven.  Many Christians even think this way.  But that's not how it works.  We constantly choose to follow our flesh instead of God, meaning even one little sin separate us from a Holy God.  We are no longer purely Good and therefore cannot be in relationship with a perfectly Good God. That's why need Jesus.  Jesus takes our coal for us.  But many people, including Christians, grow up in this "naughty or nice" type mentality and when they get older are unable to fully recognize their depravity and their need for Grace.  They get caught into being satisfied they're not as bad as other people or trying to earn God's favor and salvation by reading their Bible everyday and doing lots of service.  They want to get on the "Nice List" instead of get into the Book of Life.

Bah! Humbug!

Now look, I'm not trying to be a Scrooge or a Grinch here.  I love watching Christmas movies like Rudolph, The Santa Clause from the golden age of Tim Allen, and It's a Wonderful Life.  Ernest Saves Christmas is an all time classic and a regular in the Hedman household.  I also think its healthy for children to enjoy and engage with fantasy and fairy tales.  C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien, two of my heroes and fantastic authors of fantasy, testify to the importance of fantasy in their own lives in revealing divine truths and ultimately bringing them closer to God.  Any good work of fiction, insofar as it participates in divine creativity, will necessarily reflect divine truths of justice, sacrifice, and redemption. The great mythologies of Rome, Greece, and Norse show this.  Even the classic Superman myth tells the story of the son of Jor-El, from outside of this world, more than human, raised by earthly parents, destined to be rejected by mankind but save them anyway. Sound familiar?  And a fair amount of pretend/hero play is especially healthy for kids.  I'm absolutely not saying to quench any child's imagination.  But this is all a far cry from coming up with extravagant schemes to lie to your kids and totally convince them that a toy Elf is moving around and getting into mischief at night.  It's a far cry from Polar Express, which absolutely begs kids just just believe  in someone that isn't real.

I'm not telling anyone how to parent their kids, it's ultimately up to you and your spouse.  I also never told any kids at Boys & Girls Club that Santa wasn't real, that's not my place (although I did tell one kid Justin Bieber wasn't real).  Yeah I'm sure we'll decorate the tree and watch the movies, and I'll tell my kids about the Spirit of St. Nicholas of giving, and we'll have all the fun of presents and whatnot, but I won't be lying to my kids about Santa, I don't want to hurt my kid's "faith like a child" in all of these ways.  We'll just be celebrating the birth of our Savior and God's redeeming grace...

...unintentional guilt trip lol.

Merry Christmas!!

and God bless us, everyone.
Seth Hedman

I Wrote A Christmas Song! Check it out!

If I Gave The Drake Commencement Speech

Thank you President Maxwell.

Hello fellow graduates and congratulations.  It is a special opportunity here at the December commencement to share the stage with not only my esteemed fellow undergraduates, but the masters, law, and doctorate graduates as well.  Your hard work and dedication is truly inspiring.  Family and friends, thank you for all of your support and love along the way.  Without you, none of us would be here.

I'm going to spend a few minutes talking about one simple word that we've all seen all over campus.  You may have walked by it and never seen it, or never thought about what it means.  In front of the library, at Olmsted, and on podiums.  In fact, its on the front of this podium right now.  Veritas.  Latin for Truth.  It is Drake's one word motto printed on our logo next to the lamp and and enlightened book, representing our academic search to shine a line in the darkness, to find what is true.  But too often, at the very place where we meant to engage this quest, we stay in the darkness.  There are three things I want to say about Truth.

1) There is Truth.

For many of us, in the classrooms of the very university whose motto is truth, we are told that there is no truth.  Perhaps we say all truth is relative, or subjective, or there is no absolute truth.  But there is a problem with that idea.  The best class I took while at Drake was called Symbolic Logic, taught by Martin Roth, which, by the way President Maxwell, I recommend should be mandatory for every incoming freshman.  In Symbolic Logic, we learned about something called the law of non-contradiction.  The law states that any statement which contradicts itself cannot be true.  For example, if I say "There is a podium and there is not a podium," I have just contradicted myself and that statement is false.  Yet, when people say "there is no truth"  they fail to realize they are committing the same mistake.  What they are really saying is: "There is one truth and that truth is there is no truth." You've just said there is a podium and there is not podium!  You're saying its true there is no truth!  So clearly, logically, there must be truth.  The same applies for those who say its absolutely true there is no absolute truth.  Or they say its absolutely true all truth is relative.  No, there is truth.  But the question still remains: what is it? And how do you find it?

2) The Truth Will Set You Free

The best definition of truth is simply that which conforms to reality, what is real.  My favorite scene in Orwell's 1984 is when he gets this revelation that he feels like screaming from the rooftops, "Truisms are true! Truisms are true!" Basically, he is saying reality is real, truth is true, words have meaning.  Then he pens these great words, "Freedom begins with be able to say that 2+2=4, all else follows."  If truth is relative, then those with enough power, and persuasion, and propaganda can make you believe and do whatever they want.  They can make you believe 2+2=5.  That is called slavery.  To be free we must seek the truth and build our lives on foundational reality, reality that is consistent and extensive, meaning that it answers the big questions of life and does so coherently.  To do any less is to live in the darkness, to leave untapped your great potential, and to not only not live up to your purpose as a Drake student, but as a human being.  So I stand here after 17 years of education and about to receive a $120,000 diploma, I have learned and declare with confidence: 2+2=4!! All else follows.  Like Jesus said, the truth shall set you free.

3) The Truth Needs Love

Truth is not an end in and of itself.  It was the noble quest for truth that led to the atom bomb and to horrendous experiments on humans by Nazi Germany.  I would warn you about the strength of scientific truth and the noble pursuit of free inquiry.  Some will will say that "The only truth is that which can be tested in a lab and everything else is sophistry and illusion."  But that statement cannot be tested in a lab, it is a philosophical statement! Like the podium or truth, it eats itself, cutting off the branch its sitting on.  Truth is more than scientific and is not the end goal.  Truth is like the foundation of a house.  If you never build anything on it, it just remains cold and hard and hurts.  We've all known that person who speaks their mind and maybe tells the truth but they're a jerk about it.  But when you build the house and fill it with people, food, and fellowship, then its meaningful.  Truth's purpose is as the foundation for love.  When you know who someone really is with all their flaws you can love them better.  When you see the reality of a business deal or political issue, you can better understand how to approach and solve it in a way that helps people. You can use the truth to hurt or for yourself, but it's real purpose is to love others. But love still needs truth because the house needs a foundation.

To conclude, I covered three points: There is truth, The Truth Sets You Free, and Truth Needs Love.  We've all been taught a lot of things about truth during our time here at school, some better than others.  But Drake's forefathers made Veritas our motto for a reason.  They saw how important it this quest was for reason, exchange of ideas, freedom, purpose, and love to flourish.  The word university comes from the two roots of unity and diversity.  It began as far back as Aristotle, who sought the "quintessence" from the four elements of earth, air, water, and fire.  The heritage of this university is seeking that quintessence, seeking Veritas, shining the lamp in the darkness to find the truth.  Seek Truth! Ask big questions and find the answers!  Don't just coast through life, getting a job and a family, and not stop to think about what we're all really here for. For me, I've found Truth is a person, Jesus Christ, and my life finds it's meaning following him.  But don't take my word for it, seek the Truth for yourself!  And don't ever stop.  Yes, we are graduating.  But its not too late to begin this journey to live out Drake's motto and call: Veritas.

Congratulations on your achievements and God bless.

Thank You.

Reflections On A 16 Year Football Career: School Ball (Part II)

The Thrill of Competition and the Agony of Defeat

Last time I wrote about the early years of my football career, when football was purely fun.  At it's very core, football was always about running around and hitting people with your friends.  That's what those early years built into me.

School Ball Begins
But with 8th grade, something began to change.  You see in 8th grade we entered "School Ball," where the five youth league teams were consolidated into two teams that were officially sponsored and coached by the school.  Now each team had upwards of 50 people and a new element of football was introduced to me: competition. Of course, football was always a competitive sport about hitting and beating the person lined up across from you.  But with so many people on a team, I was introduced to competition against your own teammates for playing time on the field.  This was entirely foreign to me.  But I wanted to play, so I gritted my teeth and determined to get on the field at the outside linebacker spot I was competing at.  I did fairly well and split time, but the game had changed.

Freshman All Stars
Starting in 9th grade, I switched to a smaller, private school named Holland Hall.  I went from being in a class of 800 to a class of 80, and football was different too.  Freshman year was more like playing back for Youngsville.  I played on a team composed only of the thirty or so freshman on the team and played other freshman teams from the area.  We had very little pressure and had a blast, going 8-0 that year, including beating one of the freshman teams from Jenks that had many of my old friends on it.  I met many of my best friends on that freshman team.  Alex Sokolosky, Alex Allen, Drew Keenan, Brendan Smith, Carter Renfrow, and more.  Also that year, for some reason after watching Gone In Sixty Seconds, I decided I would imitate Nicolas Cage and watch "Low Rider" before every freshman football game.  I couldn't listen to that song for a few years after that.

Varsity
Beginning that next year, I began competing for Varsity playing time and the competition aspect of football set in again.  I fondly remember those misty August mornings in Oklahoma, leaving lines of footprints in the dew from warm up lines.  Gassers at the end of our first practice.  Hot afternoons in the dog days of summer.  It was all so overwhelming and so exciting.  I just remember my mind being constantly spinning as I tried to get my body to do the assignments my mind was trying to remember.  14 years old, 175 pounds, and I earned a spot playing part time at outside linebacker.  That year we beat Cascia Hall, our big rival, for the only time in my career in a crazy, score three times in two minutes comeback, catch the ball as time expires, go for 2 to win with no time left, amazing game.  We also won the only championship of my High School career, although I was unable to play because of injury.

In the next three years, I began to grow a lot both physically and in my ability.  I became a starter at inside linebacker and began making plays, getting over or near 100 tackles each year.  Being the youngest person in my grade, I actually repeated my junior year in hopes that an extra year of growth and experience would give me a change to play Division 1 football.  That was really hard to see all of my best friends do Senior Day and graduate. But I had no idea how much that would impact me.

Football is Life
By my Senior Year, we had been to the championship game twice and lost both.  I was named Captain, I was a two-way starter at middle linebacker and tight end, two time All-Conference player, All-Metro, played in an all-star game, and won the "Ultimate Dutch" award at the end of the year (Dutch was our mascot).  It was a great year for me personally and I look back fondly at that period.  But going into a third championship game, my identity had gotten entirely wrapped up with "being a football player."  It was how I defined my worth, it was how I excused a lot of deviant behavior, and it was my entire world.  When I was a kid I remember seeing t-shirts that said "Football is Life" and always thought that wasn't quite right, that life was bigger than a game.  But football had become more than about having fun or competition.  Unbeknownst to me, it had become my life.

So when the championship got moved to a Saturday afternoon, and a cold, windy front moved in, and our QB broke his ankle, we lost 10-7 to a team we had beat 55-35 earlier in the year, and I was devastated.  As prideful as I was, I loved that team, I loved my teammates, and I wanted so bad for us to win that gold ball.  Think about three years in a row of losing in the championship game.  Three years of being so close and getting your hopes up so high, only for them to be dashed.  Three years of greeting family and friends afterwords in tears, to words of condolences.  I couldn't handle it.  I went off the deep end.

Turning It Around
The deviant behavior that was kept in check by football was allowed to take over.  My identity, solely based on football, fell back to my second biggest priority: partying.  And months later, when I was the coolest I ever was, I was the most miserable.  I was depressed, I lost 30 pounds, and when Drake University, the one Division I school still looking at me, passed on me, I saw my dreams of playing DI football start to slip away.  I was in a dark place.  But in the darkness the light shines brightest, and God had mercy on me.

Football had held my life, and in many ways my faith, together for so long that when it ended and let me down, I spiraled.  I had done things the football way for many years and gotten pretty far, but been dissapointed.  I did things my way for 3 months and my life was falling apart.  I figured I better start doing things God's way before things get worse.  It was in the midst of this that I saw how I had taken for granted the gift of football in my life.  I saw the holiness of God, I saw my willing rebellion and sin, and I saw the love Jesus on the cross to pay my debt.  I saw I had to go all in, but that he was worth it, and I was at the end my rope, so I did.  I found all those cliches to be true: I was blind now I see, I was lost now I'm found.  Sure, I would have liked to keep partying my way through college and get right with God later, like so many do, but I didn't have that option.  At that point, it was either repent, turn around, and get right with God or keep going and throw my life away.  God had bigger plans for me.

So I went all in with Jesus.  I started reading my Bible and C.S. Lewis, figured out who this God is who saved me.  On the encouragement of my Dad, I called Drake back up and when they heard my story and saw me when we visited, they invited me to join the team.  I prayed a lot and God pointed pointed me to Drake.  I was basically a 3 month old Christian, I was headed to Drake to be a Division I football at a liberal and secular in a liberal state.  I knew I was in for a challenge, and although I didn't know much, I knew that's where God wanted me to and I was ready because God had my back.  So I took the next step.

Man I really love Holland Hall.  My coaches, my teammates, and so many great memories. I cannot even begin to tell all of stories and explain how much these people and this time meant to me.  Losing those games was hard.  But I wouldn't trade it for the world.  It was such a blast.  Plus it knocked me down just enough to realize I needed a Savior.
Seth Hedman

Next-- Part III: College Ball, Redemption, and Hard Lessons