Last time I wrote about the early years of my football career, when football was purely fun. At it's very core, football was always about running around and hitting people with your friends. That's what those early years built into me.
School Ball Begins
But with 8th grade, something began to change. You see in 8th grade we entered "School Ball," where the five youth league teams were consolidated into two teams that were officially sponsored and coached by the school. Now each team had upwards of 50 people and a new element of football was introduced to me: competition. Of course, football was always a competitive sport about hitting and beating the person lined up across from you. But with so many people on a team, I was introduced to competition against your own teammates for playing time on the field. This was entirely foreign to me. But I wanted to play, so I gritted my teeth and determined to get on the field at the outside linebacker spot I was competing at. I did fairly well and split time, but the game had changed.
Freshman All Stars
Starting in 9th grade, I switched to a smaller, private school named Holland Hall. I went from being in a class of 800 to a class of 80, and football was different too. Freshman year was more like playing back for Youngsville. I played on a team composed only of the thirty or so freshman on the team and played other freshman teams from the area. We had very little pressure and had a blast, going 8-0 that year, including beating one of the freshman teams from Jenks that had many of my old friends on it. I met many of my best friends on that freshman team. Alex Sokolosky, Alex Allen, Drew Keenan, Brendan Smith, Carter Renfrow, and more. Also that year, for some reason after watching Gone In Sixty Seconds, I decided I would imitate Nicolas Cage and watch "Low Rider" before every freshman football game. I couldn't listen to that song for a few years after that.
Varsity
Beginning that next year, I began competing for Varsity playing time and the competition aspect of football set in again. I fondly remember those misty August mornings in Oklahoma, leaving lines of footprints in the dew from warm up lines. Gassers at the end of our first practice. Hot afternoons in the dog days of summer. It was all so overwhelming and so exciting. I just remember my mind being constantly spinning as I tried to get my body to do the assignments my mind was trying to remember. 14 years old, 175 pounds, and I earned a spot playing part time at outside linebacker. That year we beat Cascia Hall, our big rival, for the only time in my career in a crazy, score three times in two minutes comeback, catch the ball as time expires, go for 2 to win with no time left, amazing game. We also won the only championship of my High School career, although I was unable to play because of injury.
In the next three years, I began to grow a lot both physically and in my ability. I became a starter at inside linebacker and began making plays, getting over or near 100 tackles each year. Being the youngest person in my grade, I actually repeated my junior year in hopes that an extra year of growth and experience would give me a change to play Division 1 football. That was really hard to see all of my best friends do Senior Day and graduate. But I had no idea how much that would impact me.
Football is Life
By my Senior Year, we had been to the championship game twice and lost both. I was named Captain, I was a two-way starter at middle linebacker and tight end, two time All-Conference player, All-Metro, played in an all-star game, and won the "Ultimate Dutch" award at the end of the year (Dutch was our mascot). It was a great year for me personally and I look back fondly at that period. But going into a third championship game, my identity had gotten entirely wrapped up with "being a football player." It was how I defined my worth, it was how I excused a lot of deviant behavior, and it was my entire world. When I was a kid I remember seeing t-shirts that said "Football is Life" and always thought that wasn't quite right, that life was bigger than a game. But football had become more than about having fun or competition. Unbeknownst to me, it had become my life.
Turning It Around
The deviant behavior that was kept in check by football was allowed to take over. My identity, solely based on football, fell back to my second biggest priority: partying. And months later, when I was the coolest I ever was, I was the most miserable. I was depressed, I lost 30 pounds, and when Drake University, the one Division I school still looking at me, passed on me, I saw my dreams of playing DI football start to slip away. I was in a dark place. But in the darkness the light shines brightest, and God had mercy on me.
Football had held my life, and in many ways my faith, together for so long that when it ended and let me down, I spiraled. I had done things the football way for many years and gotten pretty far, but been dissapointed. I did things my way for 3 months and my life was falling apart. I figured I better start doing things God's way before things get worse. It was in the midst of this that I saw how I had taken for granted the gift of football in my life. I saw the holiness of God, I saw my willing rebellion and sin, and I saw the love Jesus on the cross to pay my debt. I saw I had to go all in, but that he was worth it, and I was at the end my rope, so I did. I found all those cliches to be true: I was blind now I see, I was lost now I'm found. Sure, I would have liked to keep partying my way through college and get right with God later, like so many do, but I didn't have that option. At that point, it was either repent, turn around, and get right with God or keep going and throw my life away. God had bigger plans for me.
So I went all in with Jesus. I started reading my Bible and C.S. Lewis, figured out who this God is who saved me. On the encouragement of my Dad, I called Drake back up and when they heard my story and saw me when we visited, they invited me to join the team. I prayed a lot and God pointed pointed me to Drake. I was basically a 3 month old Christian, I was headed to Drake to be a Division I football at a liberal and secular in a liberal state. I knew I was in for a challenge, and although I didn't know much, I knew that's where God wanted me to and I was ready because God had my back. So I took the next step.
Man I really love Holland Hall. My coaches, my teammates, and so many great memories. I cannot even begin to tell all of stories and explain how much these people and this time meant to me. Losing those games was hard. But I wouldn't trade it for the world. It was such a blast. Plus it knocked me down just enough to realize I needed a Savior.
Seth Hedman
Next-- Part III: College Ball, Redemption, and Hard Lessons
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